18 Acts

Hi blog world,

It's 11:19 and I'm wide awake with some sciatic nerve pain, so I thought, "what the heck, I might as well blog." So here I am.

I need to give you a bit of a background story for this blog. 6 years ago my sweet aunt (and one of my best friends) lost a daughter. Gracelyn, our little angel baby was born with Trisomy 18 and was only here for 18 hours.  I was 16 at the time and I'm so grateful to my aunt for letting me be a part of those few precious hours.  I was able to hold her and feel how special her sweet little spirit is. I wish I were better with words.  I know I can't even begin to describe the emotions felt that day - maybe there's no words that really can express the feelings felt that day.  I just remember feeling incredibly peaceful.

In honor of Gracelyn's birthday, my aunt decided she wanted to perform 18 acts of kindness to honor her baby.  I thought that sounded pretty awesome and of course I joined in.  I'm not going to go into detail about what selfless acts I've performed, and I'm not done with all 18 just yet, but I do want to share a little about my experiences.

I don't know about you, but sometimes going out of my way to help/comfort/serve another scares me.  This is partly because I'm afraid they'll think I'm weird, but more because I just don't know where to start.  I'm afraid that wherever I start will be the wrong place and I'll go about helping all wrong.  Also, when someone has gone through something tragic or upsetting I'm afraid to speak words of comfort.  What if they don't have the same beliefs as me?  What if I offend them? What if this poor hurting person doesn't want anyone to talk to them about whatever they are struggling with? Will I just make it worse?

I know I shouldn't think those things, but I do.  My aunts 18 acts of kindness challenge was and still is the exact thing I need to push me out of my comfort zone.  It's excellent motivation to be more aware of others and to go out of my way more often to help another.

I've also realized that my fears are slightly irrational.  Whenever I've been hurting in the past, kind words/acts from others are what have helped me make it from one day to the next.  So why am I being so selfish in not doing all I can for another?  There's really no good reason at all.

My few experiences I've had in the last month have all been so positive,  I hope I've helped raise others up, maybe I haven't.  I have, however, come to learn that what they say is true, service often times does more good for the person giving the serve, than the recipient of the service.

Mighty Monday

Today I feel like this guy - 

Peeps... Let me walk you through how my day went.

Woke up and got to work extra early this morning. 

Accomplished SOOO much at work today

Ran stairs during my lunch break

Planned my primary lesson during the other part of my break

cleaned my kitchen

Went to the chiropractor, read a good amount in my book while waiting to be seen

cooked a fairly fancy meal

cleaned my craft room

edited a photoshoot

did my first work out of insanity (don't worry I was careful)

read my scriptures

and now I'm blogging.

Oh did I mention that I ate INCREDIBLY healthy today?

Now that's what I call a Monday.

P.S.  Please don't feel bad about your life now... Usually I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water.

Thursday Was a Learning Day

Hi blog world!

I'm not great at keeping up with blogging.  Life is just too gosh darn busy to commit to blogging consistently.  I want to start this blog off by saying how tremendously grateful I am for all my blessings.  Stephen and I are very very blessed.

 Let me back up.

    

I'll start with some of our most recent blessings.

I've worked at DMBA for a little over two years now.  I don't have a college degree.  I've only worked in our claims department for a total of 5 months.  A new job position recently opened and I thought, "what the heck, why not just try."  So I applied.  I was 100% confident going into it that I was not going to get it.  This was a HUGE promotion and there are so many amazing and well qualified people that I work with.  I thought for sure I would not be a serious candidate.  

I was wrong... after two projects and an excellent interview, I was told I got the job!

I'm the new Claims Documentation Specialist.

I think my mouth hung open for a solid ten seconds....  I was not prepared for a yes.  I didn't know what to say or how to react... heck I still don't.  All I know is I'm unbelievable blessed.  I'm also a little nervous that my lack of experience and education will show through, but luckily I'm surrounded by amazingly helpful people who come to my aid at the drop of a hat.  

I'm a very firm believer that Heavenly Father puts us exactly where we need to be, exactly when we need to be there.  I'm excited to be where I am.  This job is such an amazing blessing.

I want to be completely clear, I know I'm blessed and I'm so so so grateful that Stephen and I lead simple, fairly easy lives.  Our families are healthy and we are financially stable.  We have the best ward and perfect callings.  We have a nice house and a perfect Maggee.

We are blessed.

Unfortunately, life has trials as well as blessings.  No matter who you are or where you're at.  You will have trials.  It's an unavoidable part of life.  We learn, grow, and flourish best when we are being taught by life's trials.  

As some of you may know, my back sucks.  (This may seem like a small trial to most of you, until you experience ongoing, constant pain day in and day out.)  I hurt.  All. The. Time.  I honestly try to complain as little as possible.  There's nothing anyone can do about it and complaining only brings others down.

My back has been bothering me for almost two years now and I've been doing all I can to avoid surgery.  You name it, I've probably tried it.  Fact of the matter is, I hurt.  Simple daily things like doing laundry, or shaving my legs seem daunting most of the time.  It's not just the back pain that bothers me, but the fact that one of my disks is pinching my sciatic nerve, quite badly.  My leg hurts almost every hour of every day.

I've been told by doctors that I have an awful back for a 21 year old who has not suffered any type of physical trauma.  

I caved.  I decided to go to a surgeon.  My thought process was this, "I'd rather do surgery, be down for a few weeks and have a long stretch of a wonderful, working back.  If I have to get the surgery again 10 years down the road, so be it.  I want it fixed now, especially if I want to carry a child soon."  Maybe that was the wrong way of thinking, because it sure set me up for disappointment.

Thursday I met with a surgeon.  He looked at my MRI and said, "wow kiddo, you do not have a good back." 

Thank you.

He then went on to inform me that he can do surgery on my back and it may help relieve quite a bit of pressure on my nerve, but there's no "fixing" my back.  I can manage it through healthy daily habits and getting my core as strong as possible.  He said that if he were to only look at my MRI and guess my age, he would guess I was 50-60.  My doctor told me that in order to manage my pain the best I possibly can throughout my life, I need to be as thin as I possibly can... He also informed me that pregnancy is going to extra painful with my sucky spine structure, be advised that bed rest may a very realistic scenario.  

I walked out of that meeting thoroughly crushed.  Surgery was my last hope... that was my fall back plan.  I've tried everything else... surgery was supposed to make up for what my body couldn't do on its own.

I went to my car and had a complete breakdown.  Ugly cry face and all.

This pain has been bearable because I've always viewed it as short term.  It's never really crossed my mind that I'm going to suffer with back pain for the REST of my life.  I'm 21... I have a lot of life left.
I cried for a good long while before I felt like I could form a prayer.
I know better than to ask Heavenly Father to fix my back and make everything happy, I also know that Heavenly Father is loving, He is 100% aware of ALL of my struggles.  He's 100% aware of me, little ol' me.  Trials and pains are allowed in our lives because He is molding us into far better people than we are now.
So instead I prayed for comfort and patience to bear this.  It didn't come immediately.
I sat there for a few more minutes with silent tears running down cheeks just waiting...
Then it hit me, God helps those who help themselves.  I turned to my phone to read my scriptures and instead got distracted by the Ensign.  I read a story about a woman who realized that through trials in her life, she had the choice to be happy.
I realized in that moment that just because a few doctors say my back sucks, doesn't mean it always will.  I'm not holding out for a miracle, I know that sometimes people just have to hurt, it's a part of being human, but I realized I don't need to worry...
I don't know how my back will hold up through my life, I don't even know how my back will do throughout tomorrow, but I don't need to know.
I know that everything will be okay, it always has been and it always will be.
I'll continue to do what I'm supposed to, I'll try to eat healthy and strengthen my core as much as possible and have faith that Heavenly Father will handle the rest.
Because when it comes down to it, no matter what the trial is, that's all you can do.
Try your best and have faith in the rest.

January: The Monday of the year.

Let me start by saying I'm sorry for my large amount of complaining in my last post.   As you've noticed I don't handle being sick very well...  I get a serious case of the man cold no matter what ails me.  I'm learning my lesson though.  Unfortunately I'm learning it the hard way, seeing as I'm sick AGAIN for the second time in a month.  Not cool immune system, not cool.  This time it's just a cold, not death trying to claim me asr his own.  Oh well... It's best I learn how to function when I'm not feeling well seeing as I want to have babies in the {not so distant} future and in order to have a baby, you have to be sick/uncomfortable for almost a year.  And no, that was not a hint at me being pregnant, just that I'm not quite as terrified at the idea of being a mom as I used to be.

Anyway, lets move on to how much I dislike January.  I loathe it.  First off, it's cruelly cold.  In November and December the cold is exciting because Christmas is around the bend and everyone wants snow for Christmas.  When January hits, it's just cold... with NO excitement.  Blah!  If you're outside of Utah and thinking that I'm just exaggerating, let me give you an example of what I'm talking about.  Last week, as I was leaving for work I managed to steal a gander at the temperature outside.  It was 0. ZERO PEOPLE!  It was not any degrees! I don't know about you, but I'm ready to up and move somewhere tropical.

Secondly, I don't like January because I always have hard time adjusting to getting my dates right.  There are still days where I catch myself putting a 12 and the end of my dates.  It makes me feel ditsy and loserly.

Lastly, well not lastly but I won't ramble on and on, Christmas is 12 months away.  Just that thought alone is enough to make me sad.

Luckily Steve and I have a hot cocomotion to help us through the brutally cold days, and Maggee to lift our spirits.   Here's a little dose of cute.  Hopefully it will brighten your January.

Sicky Sicky/Complaining post

I really don't make a good couch potato.  I've been so sick this last week, maybe even the sickest I've ever been, and I'm going crazy.  My brother is in town with his family from Texas and I've seen them maybe twice. Ah!  Just when I think I'm starting to feel better my body throws something else at me.  

I usually have a pristine immune system but it seems to have vanished last week. Seriously, it usually never lets any bugs through and on the off chance it does, it's usually just a mild tummy ache.

However as I sit here with Bronchitis and Pink Eye and a really mean virus, I can't help but think I did something to upset my immune system.

I'm also convinced we need Netflix.  Steve and I don't have cable or Netflix or anything like that.  Mainly because we don't watch TV very often and also because we're kind of cheap.  However, after sitting on my butt for a week watching awful actors (the Kristin Stewart type of awful) and weird series on Hulu, I'm willing to fork over $8 a month for some better entertainment.

I'm also really grateful for heated houses.  There's a reason I was born when I was and not as a pioneer, well a few actually.  First off, as you can tell, I don't handle being sick with patience and grace.  I'm kind of a baby when it comes to not feeling well and two, I don't think I would have made it 10 miles on the plains.  Especially if it were cold.

Although being sick sucks, I found a silver lining.  Since I've been so sick and haven't been able to eat anything other than banana's, cup of noodles and popsicles, I've lost weight.  I worked off all my holiday weight sitting on the couch doing nothing.  Not exactly my first choice for a diet, but I'll take it anyway.

So to sum it up, not a good couch potato, immune system hates me, we'll probably be getting Netflix, I would have died as a pioneer and I've lost weight.  

Christmas Day!

Hello again friends.  Can I just say that I'm loving this snow?  I just think it's so beautiful and I'm so happy we had a white Christmas this year, unlike last.  Steve and I had a really fun Christmas day.  We woke and opened presents.  His main present this year was a picture of the Salt Lake Temple.  We've been looking for one since we got married but they're all so darn expensive that we held off on buying one.  Well lucky for me  one of my friends showed me a website where you can download temple pictures for free!  I found one I thought he would like and blew it up for 7 bucks!  Then I went to Hobby Lobby and found a beautiful frame which just happened 50% off.  The total package came out to be about $80.  Take that $400 Deseret Book pictures!

However Steve didn't get the picture right off the bat.  I toyed with him a bit.  Back story, last year I bought Steve a personalized bobble head and he guessed what his present was.  Seriously!  Who guesses a personalized bobble head?!  I was so mad.

But that's okay.  A new year, a new surprise right?  Well that would have been right, until I ruined it.  I was teasing him (as he does to me with my presents) and I accidentally let it slip that I was getting him a picture!  *facepalm* Christmas is ruined.
I let it slip that he was getting a picture... but I didn't tell him what he was getting a picture OF... So one of my cute friends gave me the idea of giving him a picture of me.  We went and did a little photo shoot and this is the picture we went with.

I felt really awkward buying an 8x10 picture of me... and Steve felt equally as awkward receiving it.  After a few moments of awkwards, "oh thank you!" "I really love it" I said, "okay, that's not really  your present" and I ran upstairs to my craft room brought down his picture.

After presents we went to Momma Howe's house for some delicious Christmas breakfast.  After breakfast we went to Les Miserables!   Ah such a wonderful movie! I've been reading the book over the last month (yes it takes that long. It's a really long book) and I have to say the book is so much better!  I think everyone should read it at least once in their life!

After Les Mis we went to Scott and Claire's house (Steve's brother and his wife) for dinner and presents.  It was a really fun night.  Claire is expecting a boy in March and this will be the first grandchild on Steve's side. I'm so excited!  They only live about 5 minutes away from us!

It was a really nice Christmas!

The night before Christmas

Hi friends, how did Christmas already come and go?  I don't feel like I had adequate time to celebrate.  I blame school.  School got out for me on December 11th and a few days later for Steve.  Once school was out I realized that I really hadn't given presents much thought.  I usually like to have my shopping done before December. *sigh* Oh well.

I'd also like to make it known that this blog won't be my best work.  I've been hit with a nasty little virus and any witty comments or playful wording are M.I.A. at the moment.  That being said, lets proceed.

This year for Christmas my oldest brother Todd and his family, who live in Texas, came into town.  This is the first time in 11 years that we've all been together for Christmas!  I was pretty excited.  We had Christmas Eve at my brother Jeff's house.  It was packed. Packed full of love! (too cheesy?  sorry.) But seriously, it was crowded.  There's almost 30 of us all together.

I wouldn't have it any other way.  It was seriously the best.  My nephew took a fancy to my ugly Christmas sweater and my nieces took a fancy to Steve.  {they have little crushes on him, it's kind of adorable.}

I really wish we all lived closer to each other.  One day I'll buy a mountain side or a city where all my loved ones can live.  That way we'll all be within a 5 mile radius.  

Here's another random picture of little miss Avery and myself.

Like I said, not my best work but whaddya gunna do. *shrug*