7 Days

We are officially in the single digits!  Yikes.  Things are getting real.  In one week I'll be super drugged up and even more crippled than I am now, just hopefully with less nerve pain.
People are funny,  when they find out I'm getting surgery, they all have the same reaction.

*concerned look on their face*

other person:  Are you really nervous?
Me:  No,  I'm quite excited.  I'm definitely ready to get rid of this pain.
other person:  How long is your recovery?
Me:  I'll be down flat for about 2 weeks, then tender for another 4-6 weeks.
other person (still with a look of concern):  Oh wow.  Well, be sure to take the time you need to recover.  You don't want to jump back into things too quickly.
Me: (in my head) duh. (I know, that's mean.)
Me: (out loud)  Don't worry,  I'll be careful.  I definitely don't want to end up back here with another back injury.
other person:  Well good.  I hope things will go well for you.
Me:  Thanks.  I think the surgery will go well, I feel good about it.

And the conversation fizzles out there.

Really though,  I can't even count how many times I've had that conversation.  It's sweet though, it means a lot to me that so many people are concerned.  And from their point of view, I can see how the idea of being tender in the lower back region for about 2 months sounds awful.  but to me, it doesn't.

One of my friends the other day was talking about how at the end of a 9 month pregnancy, you don't care if you have to throw the kid up, you just want it out of you.  That's how I feel about this pain.  I don't care if I have to be ginger for 2 months, I just want it out of me.

And hopefully this surgery will grant me that joy.

Besides being excited about the fact that my nerve pain will be gone, here's a list of other things I'm super excited about.

While I recover:
I get a free pass at being lazy all day, every day.
I get to watch a butt load of Netflix, free of judgement.
People will bring me food.
People will wait on me (I know I shouldn't say that out loud [or type it] but it will be fun, I kind of want to get a bell to ring when I need something ;).)
I get to sit in bed and read as much as I want.
I won't be tempted with junk food in the house, I just get to eat whatever Steve brings me (I'm going to request it be mostly healthy).
I get the good drugs.
I get to stay home with Steve for a week until he goes back to work.
I get to take a few weeks off work.
I get to work from home during my "tender, but not excruciating" stage.


After I'm recovered:
Working out. Hard. (Don't worry, I won't be stupid and do exercises that put stress on my back.)
Sleeeeep!!!!  Finally I'll be able to get comfortable and not wake up several times a night to re-position myself.
Walking won't cause pain.
I won't have to take pain pills on a daily basis.
I can set goals, like running a half marathon.
My legs won't be numb/burning/tingling.
I'll be able to sit in a chair and not want to cry.
Babies!

Suffice it to say, I'm pretty psyched for this operation.

Back Update

Life is still, you guessed it, busy.  Which isn't a bad thing.  However, I feel like Fall has just flown by.  So here's a little update.
School - it's been going well. Quite well. And the semester is pretty much over, with the exception of finals.  Which makes me soooo happy.  I am getting so excited to get some free time back.  I won't be going to school next semester, and here's why - my back - It is going to be cut open in January. And I'm quite excited about it.  I've had herniated disks for almost 2 years now.  I've tried everything.  Some things have helped... some things have hurt... but nothing has gotten me to the point of feeling great.  I'm ready to go in and fix things surgically now.  I'm hoping through surgery, my nerve pain (which is now in both legs, not just my left leg) will go away.  I feel really good about it.  I have high hopes that I will be a lot less uncomfortable afterwards.  I just hope I haven't put it off too long and damaged nerves, but only time will tell.  Although this pain is nearly constant, and so often feels like it's crippling me, I am grateful to have experienced it.  I know, that sounds weird.  But through this trial, I have learned and grown so much.  I have learned to truly love myself and my body and to never take good health for granted.  It's interesting how the Lord teaches us.  He always knows exactly how to teach us invaluable important life lessons.  and for that I am so grateful.  I have learned to buck up tough things out.  But mostly, I've learned just how much happiness has nothing to do with the situation you might be in.  These last few years have been the happiest and best of my life.  I've learned to smile even when things hurt, whether that pain is physical, mental, or emotional.
In preparation for my surgery, I had to get an MRI yesterday.  MRIs don't bug me.  I don't mind being in the tube.  I actually kind of like the small cramped space; in a weird way, small spaces make me feel safe.  However, when you nose itches, and you can't scratch it, you realize just how long an MRI takes.  :S  Usually my MRIs take around 20 minutes... this one yesterday took me 40.  Oh man, I thought I was going to go crazy.
Everyone has asked me lately if I'm nervous for my surgery.  I'm really not.  I feel really good about it.  The idea of not having leg pain excites me so much, but I have to admit, it seems so foreign to me.  I go in exactly 1 month from today!  January 7th.  Then I'll be taking it easy for quite a while.  So if anyone gets bored, feel free to come read and watch movies with me.
Until next time,
Katie

Chicago: Tourist Style

Chicago, you were incredibly fun.  I wish I could live in you for a year or two, but I can't.  So I'll have to settle with reliving my short lived moments I've had with you.
Here's a little breakdown of the first part of our trip:

The Hotel
We got to our hotel room around 7:30 PM.  Our hotel was fun; it was very historical.  We stayed at the Congress Plaza (thank you Groupon) which was built in the early 1900s and has been kept up really well.  Our room was fun, our window opened and we could climb out onto the fire escape.  I know that shouldn't be something that excited me so much, but it did.  I don't think I've ever really seen a room like that, and it reminded me of friends. (Joey and Ross - awkward man grasp, anyone?)

The Food
Oh man, lets just say, I could quickly become morbidly obese in Chicago.  The food was amazing!  I didn't feel too bad eating it though, because all we did was walk while we were there.  The first night we went to a place called Giordano's - holy cow.  I've never had deep dish before (we'll blame the Utah bubble).  I could barely finish one piece.  I have never experienced so much ooey-gooey delicousness before.  After the pizza we got cream puffs - perfect way to finish the meal.  yum.  After dinner we walked around and explored.  We walked past a little cafe called Wildberry's.  It looked cute so we decided to come back for breakfast.  Little did we know that it is actually one of Chicago's top rated breakfast places... and once we tried the food, we could totally see why.  I got white chocolate raspberry pancakes and Steve got strawberry cheesecake french toast.  There's really no way to accurately describe how delicious they were so I won't even try.  Just use your imagination.  I've since tried to recreate my raspberry pancakes.  Tried and failed.

The City
Oh man, I loved the city. The architecture was so amazing and unique. Chicago had some seriously neat buildings.  I loved learning about the history of the city (which you may learn about here).  We got to see most of the city on our Segway tour.  That's right, I said Segway tour (which will get a whole post of it's own, because yes, it was just that awesome). I seemed like such a small town girl/tourist with my amazement at all the cool buildings.  This was my first time in a big city, a REAL big city.  I know, it's sad, I'm 22.

Millennium Park
Millennium Park - Home of the bean.  We didn't spend much time here, just enough to admire the giant metallic bean and snap a few pictures.  Although, there is more to this park than just a bean.  They have a HUGE amphitheater.  Back in the great depression, musicians would gather and play for the people of Chicago as a way to try to lift their spirits.  It's become a tradition in the city and viola - an amphitheater was born.

Odds and Ends
The first night we got there, we walked, and walked, and walked... and wow, my back hurt.  So the next morning, when I tried to put on my pretty (and sucky for walking) shoes, Steve stopped me.  After trying to reason with me for a good while, he won.... and I wore these.  I looked like an old lady tourist, but my feet/back felt much better.

Here's a few other random pictures.

 Yes, this is a cupcake truck... a truck that actually brings cupcakes to you.

Sleepover Success

Last Friday Steve and I thought it would be fun to have my brother's kids over, and we were right.  It was so fun.  We started the night by getting dinner, everyone wanted something different and I indulged them.  Maci had Panda Express, J.J. had McDonalds, and Tyson went with a spicy chicken from Chick-fil-A (boy after my own heart).  Maggee wanted their food ;)

After dinner the boys went to work on making a fort and Maci and I went to work on dessert.  Thin Mint ice cream with lots of sugary mix-ins, I know how to woo 'em.  We turned on Iron Man and watched it from our fort.

Disclaimer:  Our fort looked way cooler in person.  the top part rolled down to close you in and we had christmas lights along the back of the couch.

JJ's little corner nook looked so dang comfortable.  We had a love sac and tons of pillows.  The kid zonked out by 9:30.  I don't blame him, I probably would too if I were him.

And zonked out he was.  That kid could sleep through a fire alarm.  We sat near him and played games past midnight, he didn't even budge.  Steve and I taught the kids a non-traditional way of playing Apples to Apples.  We use only the green cards and we play to the person.  So for instance, if it was Steve's turn to judge, all of us would pick an adjective from our hand of green cards to describe Steve.  It's so much more fun this way, and it usually ends up being slightly insulting, which really is more fun.  I think by the end of the night I was described as cold, heartless, senseless, wonderful, zany, global, and desperate.  Awesome.

The next morning I had to get up super early to go take some pictures (I'm taking a photography class this semester).  When I got back the kids were just waking up so hopped in the kitchen and got to work making them "gourmet" cinnamon/fruit pancakes.  

After breakfast we played a few more rounds of Apples to Apples (we got them hooked on our way of playing it).

And sadly our sleepover fun ended.  Steve and I decided that we're going to make this a semi-annual event and start inviting all the other nieces and nephews (are we crazy?) who are old enough to sleep through the night.  I used to have an annual sleep over with my cousin at my aunt's house and it was the highlight of my year.
Being an aunt really is one of the greatest pleasures life has to offer.

Life Lately

Life lately has been B-U-S-Y!  Steve and I are both back in school and working full time.  On top of that, I have my little baby photography business that has slowly, but steadily, been getting busier and busier.  I have had zero free time as of late.   My poor blog post about our Chicago trip has sat, halfway finished, for almost 2 months now! (Has it really been that long since we were there?)  Crazy.  My goal for the next week is to catch up.  I love blogging, it's calming to me and it's my way of journaling life events...  Also, my goal for the next week is to not pack my schedule so tight and to leave some space for Steve and I.... and also for sleep.  Until next time,
xoxo me!

Wisdom Teeth 2.0

In February of 2012 I had 2 of my wisdom teeth removed in a drug study.  I was awake when they did it.  It wasn't too bad.  The oral surgeon was good.  He was talkative (which helped with the nerves) and fast.  He had those suckers out in less than 5 minutes.  What's even better is the fact that I didn't get a placebo.  Which is good because it was an overnight study and it sure would have sucked to lay there in pain for 12 hours.  They gave me some good pain killers after the study was done and I went home.  I was feeling so good in fact, that I decided we should hang out with people that night.  So we had people over.  We ate, we laughed, we had a jolly old time... and then something happened.  I must have overdone it with all my giggling because I woke up at 2 am with the worst pain I have ever felt... a dry socket.  It sucked.  What made it worse is the fact that it was a weekend and I had to wait until Monday morning to get it taken care of.  So I sat on the couch all night/day with an ice pack to my face.

This time, I've been more careful.  Even though I've been more careful, and haven't gotten a dry socket, I think this round has hurt more.  It has just been a miserable few days.  My jaw has throbbed and ached.  Tomorrow will be long.  I have work and school and won't be able to take any Loratab due to the sleepy side effects...  :S  Wish me luck.

My [kinda] Healthy Kick Off

I didn't completely suck this week up.

I juiced (which is always miserable at first due to the "cleansing")

I packed lunches which were mostly salads

My menu wasn't exactly followed...  It was kind of disregarded actually.   I had some last minute things come up on Saturday, the day I was planning on prepping stuff, and I didn't quite get around to getting everything from the store that was needed and we may have gone to Cafe Rio Monday night due to the lack of preparation.  Overall I was still able to pull it together and make healthy dinners every night.  Last night's dinner was especially good.  Chicken fajitas seasoned with Mrs. Dash seasoning (salt free), veggies, plain greek yogurt instead of sour cream, and homemade guac (also salt free).  I will definitely be making it again.

Water and I had a distant relationship this week.  My bad.  I'll do better next week.

I discovered that I overlooked something in my last post.  Social eating.  I had a lot going on this last week and I ended up eating fries, ice cream, and a deliciously fluffy muffin... all thanks to people around me eating them...  This next week I'm going to be much more mindful of what I actually want to eat vs. what I'm eating because it's just right in front of me.

I didn't do terribly at exercise this last week, but I didn't do great.  I worked out 3 days out of the 6 day goal I had set.  Half the days is better than none of the days.  Next week I'll get all six.  I'm going to make my fat cry, I'm gonna make it cry hard.

So that was my week... How was yours?

Where Will it End?

Blog world, 

This is how I feel:

Ugh.

I'm deciding right here and now that I'm changing my life.

somewhere between my back injury and my desk job I gained a little cushion.

The jeans I once referred to as my "fat" pants, are now uncomfortably tight.

But that's not what bothers me the most (although I don't love it),

I just feel gross.

I'm constantly tired.

My stomach seems to always be bothering me

I'm bloated more often than not

I have hit the point where I'm done.  I'm 22.  Shouldn't this be the prime of my life?  From here on out I'm taking better care of myself, not just for me, but for Steve and our future babies.  They deserve to have a wife/mom who's happy and energetic.  Not frumpy and lethargic.

So blog friends, here's my plan and I'm starting it right now.

Meals will be planned in advance and prepared for.  Before I go to the store I will sit down and make a list of what we will eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  When I get home from the store I will organize and prep anything I can to make meals easier (e.g., putting snacks in grab and go baggies, creating salad topper mixes, prepping lunches for the upcoming week, etc.).

Exercise is sometimes tricky, but no matter what kind of pain I'm in, I'm going to be as active as I can everyday.  Exercise will mostly consist of yoga and walking, but when I feel up to more, I will weight train and challenge myself more.

Now here's where I struggle.  Impulse eating.  I've learned over the last little while that I'm most definitely an emotional eater and I eat when I'm in pain.  I'm going to focus on dealing with pain (whether it's emotional or physical) in healthy ways.  I'm not exactly sure yet what's going to work for me... I'll probably have a little bit of trial and error, but I'm a strong believer that thoughts and will power can overcome just about anything, and I hate the idea of not having control over shoving food into my mouth.  So I'll have my emotional eating under control pretty fast.

I have a juicer, I'm going to start juicing regularly again.  At least 4-5 times a week.  I used to have a juice almost everyday and I felt so amazing.

I'm a fairly good water drinker, but I definitely have room to improve.  I struggle with not drinking pop because I'm always tired and feel gross, yet pop causes me to feel even grosser... so that's kind of just a vicious cycle.  Starting today I will drink 120 ounces of water everyday and avoid pop.  I've seen a lot of flavored water recipes and I'm excited to try them... Like this one:

(Seriously, doesn't that look delicious?)

So blog friends, there's my plan.

I'm going to report to you all on a weekly so that I stay on track.  I know I will mess up and I know that I will have bad days, I'm human.  But I'm going to focus on the end goal and forgive myself and move on when I mess up.

I shall see you next week.

Steve's Stubborn Saturday

Steve is stubborn.  He is also anti-doctors.  It sucks when he's stubborn about not going to a doctor.  Let me back up.  Saturday morning Steve woke up with this weird pain just below his rib cage.  I kind of wrote it off thinking it was just indigestion.  We got ready for the day and met up with his mom.  We went to the temple, then to lunch, then took his mom shopping for her birthday.  After we got home Steve said that pain was still there and he was going to go lay down.  At this point I started to worry a bit, indigestion shouldn't last that long, should it?  But I agreed, he might benefit from laying down before we went on our double date that evening.  He napped for about an hour.  In that time Steve's mom and sisters stopped by for a quick visit.  My sweet husband came down stairs to say hi to them.  The second I saw him my immediate thought was, "Does he still have his appendix?"  The poor guy was slouching on the couch, grimacing, and holding his lower right side  - apparently the pain had moved.  I suggested that we reschedule our plans and stop by the hospital.  What was his response?  "No, I'll be fine." Of course you will be...  We met up with Steve's brother Kevin and his girlfriend at their downtown apartment (they had no idea that Steve was in pain).  We ended up walking to Gateway - which luckily was only a block away - for dinner and movie.  At this point, Steve isn't standing up straight and he's walking slowly.  I kept saying, "Honey, I really think we should go to the doctor...  Kevin and Madi will agree."  "No no I'm fine.  I feel completely fine when I'm sitting, I'll be fine in the movie."  *sigh* okay...  He wasn't sick to his stomach so I was second guessing appendicitis.  I kept thinking, maybe I'm just being paranoid, maybe he just has a weird stomach bug.  

I had to have been a really annoying movie date... every movement or sigh he made I'd instantly be in his bubble asking "hey, what's wrong? Is it worse? do you fell nauseous? Are you okay?  Do you want to leave?  Is the spot where the pain is hard?"  to all of which he responded, you guessed it, "I'm fine honey."

Finally the movie ended (Star Trek by the way - very good!) and I looked at him and he said, "well... maybe we could just stop by the hospital on the way home... I mean, we are double covered, we might as well."   I'm very glad he said that because I had already decided that we were going to the hospital no matter what... it's just nice that he didn't fight me on it.

So we get to the hospital, they got him RIGHT back.  I've never been to an ER that gets you back in under an hour, let alone under a minute.  The doctors poked and prodded and poked some more and came to the conclusion that he did in fact have appendicitis and that little sucker was coming out.  Luckily, his appendix wasn't to the point that it was about to burst and we'd gotten his pain under control with morphine.  They decided to put him in a room and operate around 6 AM.  We got him settled in a room and I decided to run back home for PJs and toothbrushes.  When I got back it was about 3:20 AM... I was exhausted.  I decided to lay on the uncomfortable little guest bed and get some shut eye...  and by decided, I mean hoped.  Between all the buzzing and beeping and nurses coming in and out of his room we both got maybe 45 minutes of sleep... it was rough.

Anyway, I'm rambling.  I'll wrap it up already.  Steve went into surgery a little before 6 and everything was fine.  We were actually able to come home today. Woohoo!  I'll leave it on that happy note and bid you adieu.  Now for some much needed sleep....

18 Acts

Hi blog world,

It's 11:19 and I'm wide awake with some sciatic nerve pain, so I thought, "what the heck, I might as well blog." So here I am.

I need to give you a bit of a background story for this blog. 6 years ago my sweet aunt (and one of my best friends) lost a daughter. Gracelyn, our little angel baby was born with Trisomy 18 and was only here for 18 hours.  I was 16 at the time and I'm so grateful to my aunt for letting me be a part of those few precious hours.  I was able to hold her and feel how special her sweet little spirit is. I wish I were better with words.  I know I can't even begin to describe the emotions felt that day - maybe there's no words that really can express the feelings felt that day.  I just remember feeling incredibly peaceful.

In honor of Gracelyn's birthday, my aunt decided she wanted to perform 18 acts of kindness to honor her baby.  I thought that sounded pretty awesome and of course I joined in.  I'm not going to go into detail about what selfless acts I've performed, and I'm not done with all 18 just yet, but I do want to share a little about my experiences.

I don't know about you, but sometimes going out of my way to help/comfort/serve another scares me.  This is partly because I'm afraid they'll think I'm weird, but more because I just don't know where to start.  I'm afraid that wherever I start will be the wrong place and I'll go about helping all wrong.  Also, when someone has gone through something tragic or upsetting I'm afraid to speak words of comfort.  What if they don't have the same beliefs as me?  What if I offend them? What if this poor hurting person doesn't want anyone to talk to them about whatever they are struggling with? Will I just make it worse?

I know I shouldn't think those things, but I do.  My aunts 18 acts of kindness challenge was and still is the exact thing I need to push me out of my comfort zone.  It's excellent motivation to be more aware of others and to go out of my way more often to help another.

I've also realized that my fears are slightly irrational.  Whenever I've been hurting in the past, kind words/acts from others are what have helped me make it from one day to the next.  So why am I being so selfish in not doing all I can for another?  There's really no good reason at all.

My few experiences I've had in the last month have all been so positive,  I hope I've helped raise others up, maybe I haven't.  I have, however, come to learn that what they say is true, service often times does more good for the person giving the serve, than the recipient of the service.

Mighty Monday

Today I feel like this guy - 

Peeps... Let me walk you through how my day went.

Woke up and got to work extra early this morning. 

Accomplished SOOO much at work today

Ran stairs during my lunch break

Planned my primary lesson during the other part of my break

cleaned my kitchen

Went to the chiropractor, read a good amount in my book while waiting to be seen

cooked a fairly fancy meal

cleaned my craft room

edited a photoshoot

did my first work out of insanity (don't worry I was careful)

read my scriptures

and now I'm blogging.

Oh did I mention that I ate INCREDIBLY healthy today?

Now that's what I call a Monday.

P.S.  Please don't feel bad about your life now... Usually I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water.

Thursday Was a Learning Day

Hi blog world!

I'm not great at keeping up with blogging.  Life is just too gosh darn busy to commit to blogging consistently.  I want to start this blog off by saying how tremendously grateful I am for all my blessings.  Stephen and I are very very blessed.

 Let me back up.

    

I'll start with some of our most recent blessings.

I've worked at DMBA for a little over two years now.  I don't have a college degree.  I've only worked in our claims department for a total of 5 months.  A new job position recently opened and I thought, "what the heck, why not just try."  So I applied.  I was 100% confident going into it that I was not going to get it.  This was a HUGE promotion and there are so many amazing and well qualified people that I work with.  I thought for sure I would not be a serious candidate.  

I was wrong... after two projects and an excellent interview, I was told I got the job!

I'm the new Claims Documentation Specialist.

I think my mouth hung open for a solid ten seconds....  I was not prepared for a yes.  I didn't know what to say or how to react... heck I still don't.  All I know is I'm unbelievable blessed.  I'm also a little nervous that my lack of experience and education will show through, but luckily I'm surrounded by amazingly helpful people who come to my aid at the drop of a hat.  

I'm a very firm believer that Heavenly Father puts us exactly where we need to be, exactly when we need to be there.  I'm excited to be where I am.  This job is such an amazing blessing.

I want to be completely clear, I know I'm blessed and I'm so so so grateful that Stephen and I lead simple, fairly easy lives.  Our families are healthy and we are financially stable.  We have the best ward and perfect callings.  We have a nice house and a perfect Maggee.

We are blessed.

Unfortunately, life has trials as well as blessings.  No matter who you are or where you're at.  You will have trials.  It's an unavoidable part of life.  We learn, grow, and flourish best when we are being taught by life's trials.  

As some of you may know, my back sucks.  (This may seem like a small trial to most of you, until you experience ongoing, constant pain day in and day out.)  I hurt.  All. The. Time.  I honestly try to complain as little as possible.  There's nothing anyone can do about it and complaining only brings others down.

My back has been bothering me for almost two years now and I've been doing all I can to avoid surgery.  You name it, I've probably tried it.  Fact of the matter is, I hurt.  Simple daily things like doing laundry, or shaving my legs seem daunting most of the time.  It's not just the back pain that bothers me, but the fact that one of my disks is pinching my sciatic nerve, quite badly.  My leg hurts almost every hour of every day.

I've been told by doctors that I have an awful back for a 21 year old who has not suffered any type of physical trauma.  

I caved.  I decided to go to a surgeon.  My thought process was this, "I'd rather do surgery, be down for a few weeks and have a long stretch of a wonderful, working back.  If I have to get the surgery again 10 years down the road, so be it.  I want it fixed now, especially if I want to carry a child soon."  Maybe that was the wrong way of thinking, because it sure set me up for disappointment.

Thursday I met with a surgeon.  He looked at my MRI and said, "wow kiddo, you do not have a good back." 

Thank you.

He then went on to inform me that he can do surgery on my back and it may help relieve quite a bit of pressure on my nerve, but there's no "fixing" my back.  I can manage it through healthy daily habits and getting my core as strong as possible.  He said that if he were to only look at my MRI and guess my age, he would guess I was 50-60.  My doctor told me that in order to manage my pain the best I possibly can throughout my life, I need to be as thin as I possibly can... He also informed me that pregnancy is going to extra painful with my sucky spine structure, be advised that bed rest may a very realistic scenario.  

I walked out of that meeting thoroughly crushed.  Surgery was my last hope... that was my fall back plan.  I've tried everything else... surgery was supposed to make up for what my body couldn't do on its own.

I went to my car and had a complete breakdown.  Ugly cry face and all.

This pain has been bearable because I've always viewed it as short term.  It's never really crossed my mind that I'm going to suffer with back pain for the REST of my life.  I'm 21... I have a lot of life left.
I cried for a good long while before I felt like I could form a prayer.
I know better than to ask Heavenly Father to fix my back and make everything happy, I also know that Heavenly Father is loving, He is 100% aware of ALL of my struggles.  He's 100% aware of me, little ol' me.  Trials and pains are allowed in our lives because He is molding us into far better people than we are now.
So instead I prayed for comfort and patience to bear this.  It didn't come immediately.
I sat there for a few more minutes with silent tears running down cheeks just waiting...
Then it hit me, God helps those who help themselves.  I turned to my phone to read my scriptures and instead got distracted by the Ensign.  I read a story about a woman who realized that through trials in her life, she had the choice to be happy.
I realized in that moment that just because a few doctors say my back sucks, doesn't mean it always will.  I'm not holding out for a miracle, I know that sometimes people just have to hurt, it's a part of being human, but I realized I don't need to worry...
I don't know how my back will hold up through my life, I don't even know how my back will do throughout tomorrow, but I don't need to know.
I know that everything will be okay, it always has been and it always will be.
I'll continue to do what I'm supposed to, I'll try to eat healthy and strengthen my core as much as possible and have faith that Heavenly Father will handle the rest.
Because when it comes down to it, no matter what the trial is, that's all you can do.
Try your best and have faith in the rest.

January: The Monday of the year.

Let me start by saying I'm sorry for my large amount of complaining in my last post.   As you've noticed I don't handle being sick very well...  I get a serious case of the man cold no matter what ails me.  I'm learning my lesson though.  Unfortunately I'm learning it the hard way, seeing as I'm sick AGAIN for the second time in a month.  Not cool immune system, not cool.  This time it's just a cold, not death trying to claim me asr his own.  Oh well... It's best I learn how to function when I'm not feeling well seeing as I want to have babies in the {not so distant} future and in order to have a baby, you have to be sick/uncomfortable for almost a year.  And no, that was not a hint at me being pregnant, just that I'm not quite as terrified at the idea of being a mom as I used to be.

Anyway, lets move on to how much I dislike January.  I loathe it.  First off, it's cruelly cold.  In November and December the cold is exciting because Christmas is around the bend and everyone wants snow for Christmas.  When January hits, it's just cold... with NO excitement.  Blah!  If you're outside of Utah and thinking that I'm just exaggerating, let me give you an example of what I'm talking about.  Last week, as I was leaving for work I managed to steal a gander at the temperature outside.  It was 0. ZERO PEOPLE!  It was not any degrees! I don't know about you, but I'm ready to up and move somewhere tropical.

Secondly, I don't like January because I always have hard time adjusting to getting my dates right.  There are still days where I catch myself putting a 12 and the end of my dates.  It makes me feel ditsy and loserly.

Lastly, well not lastly but I won't ramble on and on, Christmas is 12 months away.  Just that thought alone is enough to make me sad.

Luckily Steve and I have a hot cocomotion to help us through the brutally cold days, and Maggee to lift our spirits.   Here's a little dose of cute.  Hopefully it will brighten your January.

Sicky Sicky/Complaining post

I really don't make a good couch potato.  I've been so sick this last week, maybe even the sickest I've ever been, and I'm going crazy.  My brother is in town with his family from Texas and I've seen them maybe twice. Ah!  Just when I think I'm starting to feel better my body throws something else at me.  

I usually have a pristine immune system but it seems to have vanished last week. Seriously, it usually never lets any bugs through and on the off chance it does, it's usually just a mild tummy ache.

However as I sit here with Bronchitis and Pink Eye and a really mean virus, I can't help but think I did something to upset my immune system.

I'm also convinced we need Netflix.  Steve and I don't have cable or Netflix or anything like that.  Mainly because we don't watch TV very often and also because we're kind of cheap.  However, after sitting on my butt for a week watching awful actors (the Kristin Stewart type of awful) and weird series on Hulu, I'm willing to fork over $8 a month for some better entertainment.

I'm also really grateful for heated houses.  There's a reason I was born when I was and not as a pioneer, well a few actually.  First off, as you can tell, I don't handle being sick with patience and grace.  I'm kind of a baby when it comes to not feeling well and two, I don't think I would have made it 10 miles on the plains.  Especially if it were cold.

Although being sick sucks, I found a silver lining.  Since I've been so sick and haven't been able to eat anything other than banana's, cup of noodles and popsicles, I've lost weight.  I worked off all my holiday weight sitting on the couch doing nothing.  Not exactly my first choice for a diet, but I'll take it anyway.

So to sum it up, not a good couch potato, immune system hates me, we'll probably be getting Netflix, I would have died as a pioneer and I've lost weight.